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I am feeling slightly better this morning and while I doubt I’ll be doing anything too exciting tonight (when it hurts to swallow large quantities of whiskey are seldom advisable) I want you to be aware of several additions to my previous list of fabulous events.

If you missed this year’s Beard and Moustache Championships you can at least see one man with a beard performing tonight- bearded comedian and friend to both Will Oldham and Kanye West, Zach Galifianakis, headlines tonight at the Punch Up Your Life comedy series at Housing Works.

Punch Up Your Life Comedy Series

Punch Up Your Life Comedy Series

For a more traditional (as in NYC traditional) experience head to Ulysses for green beer, AstroTurf and ‘Irish Breakfast.’

New York Night Train’s Jonathan Toubin will be spinning his rock and soul 45s at Daddy’s before heading off to SXSW later this week.

Jonathan Toubin spins @ Daddy's

Jonathan Toubin spins @ Daddy's

Have a safe and exciting ‘holiday’ and stay tuned for more of this week’s events!

NOTE: The Big Red Apple is now TheBigRedApple.net

To view this post at its new location click HERE!

There are two concerts worth considering tonight. First, get your fill of British electro-house at Webster Hall where Calvin Harris‘ tunes may not invoke deep thought, but will definitely get you dancing. The second is for all the hipsters out there- Blk Jks will be performing their ‘South African art rock’ at Union Hall.

Also tonight, discover a new kind of brothel- a Poetry Brothel at Madame X.

Here’s how it works: The poets play “whores,” visitors play “johns” (and are also encouraged to attend incognito!) but instead of physical intimacy, the poets offer the intimacy of their poetry by giving private, one-on-one readings in curtained-off areas. All of the resident “whores” are available for private readings at any time during the event (for a small fee). Of course, every good brothel needs a furtive “front” or cover business; ours is part saloon and part salon, offering a full bar (serving Le Tourment Vert absinthe all night!), blackjack table (played for prizes), tarot card readings, raffle tickets, live painting, one-on-one poetry consultations (bring your poems!), and live music, with performances from our poets, performers, and artists throughout the night. Each night “The Madame” will also introduce “the new girl,” a featured reader who will delight the whole cast and cast of customers with a very special public performance.

Poetry Brothel

Poetry Brothel

Tomorrow go over to the Japan Society for their new exhibit- “Krazy! The Delirious World of Anime + Manga + Video Games.” Check out examples of these evolving art forms, such as this image:

Takashi Okazaki. Afro Samurai [film still]. STUDIO GONZO, 2007. © 2006 TAKASHI OKAZAKI, GONZO / SAMURAI PROJECT.

Takashi Okazaki. Afro Samurai

Saturday night you have the challenge of deciding between several events, each of which embrace completely different sub-cultures.

I will be attending a performance of the Young New Yorkers Chorus at Holy Trinity Church:

Young New Yorkers Chorus Event Poster

Young New Yorkers Chorus Event Poster

I’ll admit I’m a novice when it comes to Rachmaninoff but I’m confident that this will be a truly beautiful performance (I have a good reason for thinking so- I have a friend in the chorus whose voice I simply adore).

For a whole different sort of musical experience, check out Black Taxi at DROM; it will be a late-night, down-and-dirty, rock-and-roll-fueled benefit for Studio 42!

For a whole different sort of experience you can spectate or participate at the 2009 New York City Beard and Moustache Championships, held this year at Public Assembly. There will be prizes for full beards, patchy beards, goatees, moustaches and sideburns (and many more categories of facial hair). I attended the 2007 Championships and I can vouch for the absurdity and hilarity of this event.

Beard and Moustache Championship Participant

Beard and Moustache Championship Participant

If that’s all just far too intimidating wander over to Union Pool for what just may be the best dance party you’ve been to all year- Budos Band will be throwing a ‘Voodoo Funk Party.’

Budos Band Event Poster

Budos Band Event Poster

If you’re not too hung over for bagpipes on Sunday, check out the Brooklyn St. Patrick’s Day Parade; there will be the requisite music and all the shenanigans you’re expecting.

Also on Sunday revamp your wardrobe and support Housing Works by participating in a fantastic clothing swap at Sixth Ward:

Trade in a bag of your unwanted clothes for a chance to rummage through others’. Fashion students are on hand to help with fittings for your new outfits. Extras, bar tabs, and five-buck donations at the door go to Housing Works.

Enjoy your weekend and stay tuned for any additions I may come across!

NOTE: The Big Red Apple is now TheBigRedApple.net

To view this post at its new location click HERE!

St. Hallmark day is fast approaching and I have yet to come up with a game plan. Even on the (admittedly rare) occasions that I have been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day I’ve found this a difficult challenge. I don’t really go in for $150 “Romantic Tasting Menus” or jewelry in poor taste (for goodness sakes gentlemen- what were you thinking?). The truly romantic gestures (moonlight, rose petals, home cooked meals, a signed copy of ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’) seem forced when they’re being performed on such a commercialized occasion. I am simply too cynical to suspend my disbelief, even when I am in love.

This year I am not in love, which means my options break down into the following four categories:

The Angry Event

These are events somehow based around a cynical dislike of romance, love, couples, the jewelry industry, the flower industry, the chocolate industry and especially Hallmark. In general these become anti-consumerist more than anything else. Beware of people drinking themselves into a stupor and/or trying to bitch about their ex’s to anyone within shouting range. Here are a few to consider:

The Singles Event

This is often some form of speed dating designed to help you find someone to be “romantic” with by the end of the night. Most of the people present are desperate, lonely and horny so attendance is really only advisable if you are also all three of those things. If you’re lucky there will be that one person who is attractive and dorky in the right way and miraculously feels the same way about you, in which case all you have to worry about is how to tell your friends you met at a singles event without sounding lame. In general however you’re more likely to end up in a room full of unattractive women trying not to look desperate and skeevy men trying to look classy. However, if you are feeling optimistic, check these out:

  • Valentine’s Day @ Dewey’s Flatiron- you receive half a playing card at the door and if you can find the person with the other half you both get a free drink.
  • Pull on some “formal attire” and head over to the posh Hudson Terrace for a Single’s Ball.

Solidarity

A bunch of friends hitting the town and trying to pretend it’s not Valentine’s Day! This can go splendidly, just as any night on the town can go splendidly. It can also devolve into a group therapy session in which you all cry about being alone and how hard it is to meet people and how you’re afraid you’ll never manage to sustain a relationship (do you really want to?). Judge your group carefully to determine if your outcome is likely to be positive and be careful not to end up at a bar that’s having some kind of “romantic special”. Some safe spots to get down with your girls:

Home Alone

Stay home, eat grilled cheese, watch an action movie and don’t feel sorry for yourself. Ok, try not to feel sorry for yourself. Don’t think about your ex’s (or who they’re with now) and please please don’t think about that guy you’re sort of seeing (and don’t call him). To make this option a bit more positive try turning it into a romantic solo evening- think a long hot bath with marvelous bath products from Lee-lai (available at Sustainable NYC and Greenhouse Essentials and on their website) and some exquisite chocolate from Vosges.

Please try your best to enjoy St. Hallmark day! Let me know what you end up doing and be sure to add any events you hear about in advance!

P.S. If you’re free tonight check out my friends Excess Energy @ Hugs!

Past Shenanigans

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